By Sarah Lee
can't really say this is a story, and I know this is far from a poem.
I am 18 years old and I have been "suicide free" for 3 years. For a long time I was hurting and I didn't know who or where I could turn. It seemed that the people I loved most were the ones to hurt me more or all the time. I had thought about how I would kill myself, what I would use, how would it be the fastest. I never thought that anyone would miss me. I always thought that everyone would be better off if I were gone. Mom and Dad wouldn't have to support me anymore and they would be out of financial problems. I know now, that if I had succeeded, I would have hurt all the people that I love more than anything.
To me, suicide was a way to get rid of all the pain I was feeling and finally be happy. I would have also been dead and not able to enjoy being happy. I look back on all the things I thought was worth taking my life over, a boyfriend, a best-friend, school, my parents divorce, ect. But now I see that they weren't my fault and they definitely weren't worth killing myself over.
It took a lot of pain to get me to where I was "finally" going to do it. I had planned it out to where it was "perfect", at least in my eyes it was. Thank God for Jenni!!! She loved me so much she didn't want to lose a friend. I got the help I needed and I was shown that I was loved.
I guess the reason I am writing this is to try and help maybe just one person from destroying the one thing that should be the most precious to them: their life. Even though there are things that hurt you, there are things to look forward to. No matter how small they are. When you feel sad and down and at the verge of suicide, call someone. ANYONE!! Just don't lose hope. Someone loves you, even if you think the world is against you.
- - - Sarah Lee - - -
©Copyright Sarah Lee, 1 November 1998